This is part of my work in the Julia Cameron Artist’s Way series. The work this time is from the book the Artist’s Way at Work: Riding the Dragon. The responses are self-examinations and assessments based on work through a daily series of exercises. While I do keep some material offline as it can be very personal and jarring, I often opt to be fairly open about my experiences, both positive and negative.

This is a letter from my inner mentor, to myself.

Dear Diana,
You are trying to do two things at once. Three was too much, but you can manage two, especially as they’re all part of the same spectrum and many other writers are in your boat. You have a passion to pursue, and you have something you’re also passionate about that is a bit more saleable. These are all good things. You do need to work longer. It’s just at that time now. Getting up earlier will help, but you do need to put more hours in. Try putting in an hour a day on your social networks.

Maybe put in an extra hour of writing at night, and save TV time for the weekends. I know this is hard for you, but of anyone, you can do this. Don’t curb your social time – you need it more than you know. I think your formula of seeing different friends once a month is effective. You do need to find or start a writer’s group. It all seems like a lot and it is, but you need this now. You and Mike will have to work out doing the laundry and getting the house cleaned some other way, because right now you’re both buried in projects. Sometimes life gets messy. It’s not like you don’t know how to clean up.

Get out, write out, be out. I know you hate Diamond’s Coffee shop, but it’s what’s close so you may need to befriend it. Or go back to hanging at Espresso Royale. Writing should come in an easy flow, and it should be your flow.

You know what to do.

Love,

Your Inner Mentor, the Priestess

This is part of my work in the Julia Cameron Artist’s Way series. The work this time is from the book the Artist’s Way at Work: Riding the Dragon. The responses are self-examinations and assessments based on work through a daily series of exercises. While I do keep some material offline as it can be very personal and jarring, I often opt to be fairly open about my experiences, both positive and negative.

1. While my father was dying, I entered what I think of as the “state of grace.” All the work I’d done to free myself from past pain and sorrow surrounded me, and aided me as I dealt with the progress of losing him. That state was a sort of fuel that did get used up – it was granted for understanding and supporting my father, but not for dealing with my mother and sister. It was also an inner pool I had built over time; G.O.D decided where it applied, rather than me – and G.O.D was of the opinion that my other family members should do their own self-work instead of drawing their energy from me like they had when I was a child. I was able to deal with the events of the moment, and only had my emotional breakdowns in non-crisis moments.

Saint Jean D'Arc

2.Every time I’ve walked into a room to see a beloved friend I have not seen in years. This has happened more than once.

3. Those odd moments at Como where people I’ve never seen stop and offer to take my picture so I have a shot of myself. This has happened when I didn’t even have my camera out.

4. Years ago, when I still lived in Mankato with my ex, I was mixing perfume oils and I suddenly felt completely surrounded by divine love. I was made aware I could reach that feeling of peace and love whenever I wanted. As my marriage disintegrated, that sense went beyond me; this is not because I am no longer loved, but because conditions of my inner self have made it harder to reach. But I know it’s there, and that I can get to it again; I also know that the divine will surround me when I need it the most, like when my father died. I may be easy to work with because my faith explicitly does NOT define how the divine operates. There are no expectations in either direction aside from mutual acknowledgement of existence.

5. Every so often, I will have a dream that differs from my usual unwinding and winding patters of my subconscious sorting out my tasks and creative trials. I will see/feel someone who meant or means a lot to me, and feel as though that person is actually in the dream with me, with the intention of giving me a sense of safety, healing and comfort. The first time I remember it happening was when I started at Mankato State – my family reacted as though I were a 16 year old runaway that was actively harming them, rather than a 20 year old trying to finish her education. The abuse that came with the expectations, demands and entitlements that they refused to verbalize (because then they’d have to hear themselves how horrible they were being) included literally trying to surround me and demand I “explain” my choice of schools when it was clear no explanation on earth was going to satisfy them – and they didn’t coherently provide any solid reasons for why they felt entitled to that explanation. One night after an especially hard day – Mankato was not a welcoming place, and I had chosen it because it aligned with my ability to raise money to finish my degree there, not because of the “fun” factor; the day had included a confrontation with the ex-boyfriend that had dumped me for a guy long before I got there. I had to finish with a phone call to my mother where she was especially mean-spirited and passive aggressive. I was really demoralized, and called a friend from my old school, who wasn’t home. Later that night, I had a dream that was very different – I was walking around Chicago with this friend, and it was Chicago from HIS point of view (I was raised to see it through a certain nightmarish filter.) We talked honestly and openly in that dream, and when I woke up, I felt comforted, moralized, and ready to handle what was before me. I don’t know if my friend dream walked me or if some divine entity took pity on me, but over the years this has happened a few times. It’s not always when I’m feeling low, but often enough, it comes when I most need a morale boost. It’s a wonderful mystery to encounter.

Threaded throughout the post are images and individuals that give me a sense of spiritual strength. I’m totally in the market for a mini-bust of Voltaire.

This is part of my work in the Julia Cameron Artist’s Way series. The work this time is from the book the Artist’s Way at Work: Riding the Dragon. The responses are self-examinations and assessments based on work through a daily series of exercises. While I do keep some material offline as it can be very personal and jarring, I often opt to be fairly open about my experiences, both positive and negative.

In this exercise, I’m to list 5 areas that have started to interest me recently that I can explore and pursue.
1. Crochet/knitting – especially its applications in a trashion/upcycled art context.
2. Fiction writing. Graduate school knocked the winds out of my sails on writing fiction, but I’m starting to feel more confidence in my ability after hanging out on the AbsoluteWrite forum more.
3. Poetry writing. I still want to do that, and again, it’s a case where I got shut down by an academic environment.
4. Personal healing – I’m looking at getting a few things fixed, body issues for the metaphysical body (things we don’t generally have doctors for.) I’m seriously considering giving acupuncture a try.
5. My writing community. I am genuinely interested in developing relationships with other writers; this is new for me.