This is a passage for a mini Bulwer-Lytton contest on Absolute Write. For reference, Bulwer-Lytton was the “it’s a dark and stormy night,” guy.
He found her that morning, casually catapulting the neighbors’ prodigious collection of cats from the fourth story balcony onto the hapless pedestrians below, her elegant fingers wrapping a clip binder at the nape of each kitten while her lilting voice sang delicate songs best forgotten. “Coffee?” he offered, sidestepping an errant cat, narrowly missing the loss of his ear by an inch. She smirked at him, her pouting lips showing shadows of the night’s playful platitudes, and offered him a cat.
Note: DO NOT DO THE ABOVE WITHOUT GUIDANCE FROM A VET. ALSO, CATAPULTING CATS IS FROWNED ON IN MOST CULTURES.
Want more?
We got it. This is part of a monthly blog chain, as other wacky writers try their hand at worst ever opening lines:
orion_mk3 – http://nonexistentbooks.wordpress.com
AuburnAssassin - http://clairegillian.com
De’s Stories – http://desstories.blogspot.com
“By now I’m hoping that you have the urge to scratch your eyeballs out.”
dolores haze – http://dianedooley.wordpress.com/
Horseflye – http://thecozylittleplot.blogspot.com/
Proach – http://www.deannaproach.com/
BigWords – http://bigwords88.wordpress.com/
“The Celestial Wanderer, flagship of the Covenant Of Worlds, had cowered in the Newt Nebula for three solar days before Captain Washington laid down the order to emerge, the cosmic war cannons readied for engagement.”
jkellerford – http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com/
xcomplex – http://arielemerald.blogspot.com/
Ralph Pines – http://ralfast.wordpress.com/
“She was so nervous that she dove deep into a sea of sesquipedalian loquaciousness in order to extract herself from the precarious conundrum she found herself ensnared in.”
Diana Rajchel – http://blog.dianarajchel.com/
pezie – http://www.erinbrambilla.wordpress.com/
Guardian – http://daewrites.blogspot.com/
egoodlett – http://wordlarceny.blogspot.com/
Alpha Echo – http://writersramblings81.blogspot.com/
Euclid – http://euclid-thoughts.blogspot.com/
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